A selection of verses from The Jewish Limerick Book

.

Equal Opportunities 


 Desirous of being revered,

A rabbi once grew a long beard.

Said a colleague, “I swear

 God loves facial hair

But, madam, on you it looks weird!”

.

.

Never Satisfied!

.

Josh Cohen once said in a huff:

“Oy! Pleasing my parents is tough!

Each girlfriend of mine -

‘Too Jewish,’ they whine,

Or else, ‘She’s not Jewish enough!’”

.

.

The Chutzpadik Nudnik 

.

I once knew a nudnik called Shloimy.

Whatever he said would annoy me.

But what left me coldest,

He married my oldest,

Then said to me, “Right, now employ me!”

.

.

Modesty Shmodesty!
.

Though meant to stop lecherous glances,

A 'sheitel' - if stylish - enhances.

Thus wives with plain faces

Have found in some cases

Their wigs prompt adulterous advances!

.
.

Passover 
.

 It’s rightly called “bread of affliction”,

For matzah becomes an addiction.

You’d better take care, though;

Like the Jews under Pharaoh,

It can’t be released without friction!

.

.

In the Beginning 
 

The Lord said, “It’s time for some fun:

I’ll let there be light where there’s none!”

This worked like a treat -

A miraculous feat

As He’d not yet created the sun!

.

.

The Wisdom of Solomon 
.

Of the monarchs who’ve reigned hitherto,

King Solomon’s one of the few

To be judged very clever

For threatening to sever

The child of a subject in two!